My mind is a minefield
Bursting one by one –
Thoughts of pain
Thoughts of hope
Tied together hard to untangle.
Tears sit perched on my lower eyelid
Waiting to jump
Not ready to let go.
How can I fight my mind when it is a part of me?
In the end I will only hurt myself
I don’t want to hurt anymore
The bombs are going off again
No not now, I’m on the road
Ringing in my ears
Turn off the radio
Pull over now
Hands press tight over my ears
After the last blast,
I lay flat on my back
Disoriented, confused, tired
I see my best friend over me checking for a pulse
I gotta get back up,
“Get up, get up, please,”
I whisper to my broken mind.
I feel my toes go numb
How does one get back up after this?
I’m in a place with no service
I withdraw from my friends
Afraid to touch at the risk of catching a cold (heart)
They won’t get “it”
I don’t even get “it”
(above poem to the left of the page, poem below to the right)
I wrap myself in God’s warm promises
That I am loved and wanted,
Even if it is hard to believe
I am the lost sheep he left the 99 to find
Alone with cold toes.
He sat with me and carried me home
His voice, a sweet melody
Silencing the ringing of pain in my ears
Ashamed I am that I fell so low
But in this deep well he reminds me:
Pain can become a place to praise
Sickness can become sensitivity and compassion
Misery can become a resilient ministry.
Peace, peace, peace
My heart longs for his peace
I make peace with my mind
It’s time to come home.
He holds me in the battle
And never lets me go.