Disclaimer: This post is a part of The Open Letter Collective, and is written by a friend or anonymous contributor. All posts written by Lauren Smith will be signed off with her green signature.
An open letter to the one who hurt me,
Through the power you manipulated over me, you robbed me of my innocence, joy, and peace. I mourned for months over those losses. I dug deep inside myself to see if there was any little bit of it left, but I was empty. I knew I needed something. Something to give me life because it was just passing me by, day in and day out. It’s like the world kept moving forward, and with each day it was leaving me further and further behind. Again, because of your choices, I was forced to join the fight for survival.
While my life was spinning in utter chaos, I turned to the only thing that does not change, and that is my Heavenly Father. I wanted to bury myself under His wing to hide from the world you turned me against. I needed Him to carry me because I had no more strength. During this time, I received nothing unless it was from the Holy One himself. I began to be reminded that this is a fallen world and we all have struggles but through Jesus Christ we find redemption and restoration.
I was reminded that no matter how much I wanted to be a reject and noticed by no one, my Father saw me, held my hand, and told me he loved me. I felt I was the scum of the Earth. I had been used by you without any regards to my feelings, but that is not what my God saw. He saw me, just me, without all the gunk that I had created in this world, or all the gunk that had been thrown on me. I was reminded that God loves me unconditionally, and if he loves me then he loves you too.
My prayers for you have changed from prayers of redemption and justice to prayers of salvation. We have all heard the message that when you seek God’s face and ask for forgiveness, He will accept you no matter what you have done. I pray that you no longer hurt anymore, and that you allow God the opportunity to work inside you and make you anew. I pray that you learn to value your own life as well as others. Most of all, I pray that no one ever has to experience the pain that you have caused me.
A Survivor of Sexual Assault