“How miraculously you have wondered out of the wild to open air, laughing about the days to come without worry without care, for you know here on the journey in time, you’ll make it there.
-Morgan Harper Nichols
Breathe, this time deeper. Slower. Eyes closed.
One more time.
I’m lying on my bedroom floor looking up to my high, white ceiling. The rough carpet is flat under my back. I glide my hands down to my side imagining I am making a snow man. I have to remind myself to breathe as tears are falling down my face.
Two things you need to know.
- When I am extremely overwhelmed, I lie down flat on my bedroom floor. Sometimes on my stomach, and sometimes on my back. I don’t know the rhyme or reason of it, but it helps me calm down.
- Today I am overwhelmed.
Today I read a short letter from my dream grad program in Texas that respectfully declined my application.
I was shocked and super disappointed. One minute I’m checking my email after a day of nannying, and the next minute my dream of attending this grad program was over. BAM.
As a recent college grad, I am still trying to find my place in this world. The fact that I still don’t have a full-time job because I’m waiting to hear back from the other grad schools makes me very uneasy.
As I’m laying on the floor looking up, I know that God meets me in my brokenness and disappointment. Even though He knows “what’s next” will be only for my good, He allows me to still feel the hurt of an unrealized dream. He’s there in the brokenness of a failed dream, a lost love, and the feelings of “not being enough.”
But the HONEST TRUTH is…
I am still Lauren. I am valued, I am smart, I can persevere, and I am a beloved daughter of the Highest. God does hear my cries and my prayers. He is a GOOD Father who places the right people and opportunities in my life at the right time. This grad program didn’t work out for me, but I will still be a successful professional. I am more than my highs and lows!
Rejection stings, but wow redemption soothes a soul like aloe to a burn.
When I accept the reality of a disappointment then refocus my mind to the bigger picture of who I am, the devastation of that disappointment loses its power over me.
If you are going through something similar to me, I hope this post encouraged your sweet heart. YOU are more than your highs and lows. YOU are loved and cherished. I have faith that we will get through this season as victors by the strength and power of Christ himself.
Petit à Petit,
“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, let your requests be known to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
-Paul, Bible, Philippians 4:4-7 (NIV)